Prayer and a Speed Skating Medal

Go Canada! We got our first gold medal on Canadian soil(men's moguls), and then Kristina Groves took the bronze in the women's 3000m in speed skating. Clara Hughes took 5th place. Yay Canada! :)

Today was really hard. Last Sunday was particularly difficult, which made going to church challenging today. Although my wonderful husband doesn't really understand, he prayed for me and stepped in to make the day go easier. This is a really challenging period faith-wise for me, but I am determined to obey God the best I possibly can even in the midst of this pain.

Our sermon was on evangelism today. Because I am wrestling with my faith so much right now, this topic really raises questions for me. During our discussion at LifeGroup this afternoon, my struggles became evident. I wasn't intending to get into it because I have felt so isolated. At first, our leader was giving me almost pat answers. I'm not sure what changed, but suddenly he stopped and just listened. When I was done, he pulled Steve over and began to pray for both of us. His wife joined the circle to pray while our children swirled around us. It is hard to express how much that moment meant to me. I know that there is still a long way to go on my journey of recovery, but that moment of prayer and listening helped restore a part of me that had given up hope. I am so grateful for those that listen compassionately and then come alongside me and pray. Thank you!

Winter Bonfire with Kate

Every February, my parents' neighbours host a winter bonfire in their backyard. They have a large shed that they fill with lots of goodies, crockpots filled with savoury chili and apple cider, and a space heater. Paths are made with cardboard and couches are dragged out onto the snow surrounding the fire pit. Other neighbours have a skating rink that the kids can skate on provided they wear a helmet. M. builds the fire and a party begins.

This is my second time attending and the third annual Winter Bonfire. There is something almost magical about standing under the night sky, around a fire in the winter. I love bonfires and miss them dreadfully during the winter. Although it's very cold, there are no mosquitos in February! My best friend came with and it was wonderful. We were tired and didn't talk too much or stay very long, but standing by that campfire underneath the winter sky made me very very happy. :)

Distracted by the Olympics

My bedtime is supposed to be before 11pm. My goal is to post each night before I go to sleep. Unfortunately, I'm still watching the opening ceremonies of the winter olympics. Go Canada! There are so many reasons why I love my country and watching tonight's ceremony reminds me of them. So I apologize for my distraction. Currently people are skating around a mountain while others are suspended "skiing" and "snowboarding" on said mountain. WOW!

Today has been a very very good day. My best friend Kate(not her real name) is in town today. Yay! She's been my best friend since gr. 9 when we ended up being stand partners. Not only did I learn how to play the flute, I gained a best friend that I've kept into adulthood. Through her friendship, I regained my first friend who holds the title of my longest friendship. These friendships bless my life in so many ways. Earlier this week, I had a great phone conversation with M. about being a mom. It was so refreshing to talk to someone who understands my issues as a mom and as a person. Our conversation left me feeling a little more settled about my recent journeys with Aris.

Kate has been praying for my kids since they were born if not before. Although we don't see her often, she really builds into my kids both academically and spiritually. They absolutely love Kate. She's been able to keep track of me both on facebook and through my blog, so has been praying for my kids. Of course, being Kate, she also came up with a creative way to help. She always has such great ideas. Today she presented Aris and I with a binder. This binder has a series of sections with stickers, beautiful pictures that she took, songs and lists. Everything is geared towards calming Aris and pointing her back to God. Kate included categories on prayer and spiritual armour, both things that we really need right now. This gift encouraged me so much! Having a friend that really enables me to parent exceptionally is so helpful! So often, parenting becomes a competition over ideas and children. My child is smarter than yours, my ideas about parenting are better than yours. Kate and I don't see completely eye-to-eye. We are different people. But she respects me and supports me so well. Thank you! I am blessed.

As I'm watching the Olympics and listening to the speeches about my diverse country, I'm reminded of tonight's school event. Our school is so multicultural and diverse which I absolutely love! Tonight our parent council threw a movie night. I was really excited to got and connect with my wonderful school community. As I walked in, my dear Syrian friend entered behind me. We've been trying to get together, but it just hasn't been working. Tonight we got to spend the evening together as we watched a movie and our kids played. I got to hold her beautiful baby. :) I love babies! :) Best quote of the day from my Syrian friend: "With your coat on I thought you had lost a lot of weight, but now that I see you without it, I realize that you haven't." I have to say, I smiled very largely and laughed. I'm not sure she realized how that came across, but that's okay. :) It was a good moment, one of connection and acceptance.

Now, back to the Olympics! Go Canada!

Milk Bag Community

Today was a very full day. I knew it was going to be full, but as always my plans go awry. Valentines took much longer to fill out than anticipated and then a shower was necessitated before bed because bright pink batter does not blend in with blonde hair. I was stressed and cried because my cupcakes did not turn out the way they were supposed to. My daughter was incredibly encouraging and strangely did not throw a fit about our imperfect cupcakes. :)

All of this drama meant that I was running late for this evening. During a random after school conversation, I finagled an invitation to help fold, cut, loop and eventually crotchet milk bags into sleeping mats. One of the teachers/parents came up with this idea and it's fantastic! However, this is a lot of work. We're getting a great response from the kids and community (I love my school!), which means that there is a lot of work to be done. Some staff and parents have been regularly getting together to deal with the milk bags. They're a neat group of ladies and I wanted in. Tonight was my chance. Since I was running late, I was concerned about not fitting in, or missing most of the fun.

I needn't have worried. We had such a great time! As always with a group of women, our conversation was wide-ranging. We laughed, shared birth stories(somehow with me around the conversation always goes there), and got to know each other better. As we talked, work happened. I folded bags and then formed the loops into a long chain which I then wrapped up into a ball. Later someone will crotchet it into a sleeping mat, which will be then sent to another country. Milk bags cannot be recycled, but are hygienic mats which don't decompose apparently. It feels good to take something that would be wasted and instead use it to help someone else.

Being useful felt good. Being part of community felt great. Getting to know some wonderful women was awesome! Making new friends and building on relationship with current friends always makes me smile. Tonight was no exception. :)

Cookbooks and Coffee

For Christmas, my sister bought me a Jamie Oliver cookbook. I've been wanting one of his cookbooks for years and was super excited about this one. I cannot say how much I like this cookbook. The premise is that everyone can cook. The food is reasonably simple and amazingly delicious. Plus, it's Jamie, so the writing is a bit quirky. Shortly after, I bought another of his cookbooks. I've been having great fun playing around with the recipes.

On Sunday, I made a beet salad. I was a wee bit concerned about this would go over, but it had rave reviews. Beets and pears are chopped into matchsticks and then tossed with olive oil, lemon juice, feta and sunflower seeds. Next time, I think i'll add my citrus grapeseed oil instead. But it was good. Tonight I made a beef roast, gravy, mashed potatoes and asian style broccoli. The roast was cooked on a bed of carrots, celery, onions, garlic and rosemary. After it was done, the veggies were mashed up and turned into the gravy. Although thin, the gravy was quite flavourful. For the broccoli, I grated ginger and garlic, mixed it with sesame oil, olive oil, soya sauce, lemon juice and balsamic vinegar and then tossed it with the steamed veggies. Delicious! Cooking(and eating) makes me very happy!

My sister, Marlene, showed up as we were finishing dinner. Steve had just made rootbeer floats with crispy crunch ice cream(different, but delicious) so we offered her some as well. While I put Aris to bed, she helped clean up my kitchen. Yay! Then we went off to see her new apartment. I don't get to hang out with her very much anymore. For those who don't know the story, Mar has been my best friend since we were 11. When we were 19, she moved in with my family and my parents "adopted" her. Both my biological sister and I consider her our sister.

Unfortunately, life is crazy and we don't get to see each other much. I miss her a lot! It's challenging to go from the life of a teen where we see our friends daily, to the life of an adult, especially a parent, where friends are on the periphery. Lying on her bed and chatting tonight was good. It brought back old times, especially when she pulled out some pictures from my very early twenties. Wow! I knew that was me, but wow! Am I ever different now!

I feel peaceful and happy right now. I've had a good couple days of cooking and baking with another project lined up for tomorrow. Aris and I are going to make cupcakes for her class. I found a very cool recipe for multicoloured cupcakes. This should be fun. :) Hopefully I will remember to take pics and post them. Good night! :)

My Beautiful Dancer

This is parent viewing week for the primary classes at Aris' dance studio. Halfway through the term, parents are invited to watch an entire class. This offers a much different perspective than the one gained by periodically peeking through the viewing windows.

I was a wee bit apprehensive about tonight's class. Last night when I reminded Aris, she pulled the covers up over her head and quivered in fear. Baffled, I asked her why she didn't want me to watch. She responded that she wasn't the best dancer in the class and that's why she didn't want to dance. My heart broke. Attempting to cuddle my prickly daughter, I reminded her of her love and passion for dance. She doesn't want to be a dancer when she grows up, instead she'd perfer to do something with animals. This varies from an African Lion Safari Tamer, to an entomologist, to a parrot keeper. Her vocation is always different, but typically has to do with animals. Dance isn't on the list. But when music comes on she can't hold still. Aris loves to sing, but when given the choice between singing and dancing, she dances.

I was also concerned because the last parent viewing was horrible. Aris' behaviour was atrocious and I had to speak to her quite sternly. Both her behaviour during the class and her response to my correction upset me. Thankfully, she modified her behaviour, apologized and stopped calling me a mean mommy. I'm really glad my parents were so strict because I'm finding it very helpful to pull out the examples of how I would have been disciplined. After that, my kids seem to find me quite reasonable. :)

After all of this, the class went well. She danced the best she has ever danced. Not that everything was perfect, but her lines were gorgeous as was her musicality. Best of all, she danced with joy. Her face was just lit from within. There was no shaking her finger at me or making faces this time, instead she beamed. Afterwards, she joyfully and enthusiastically thanked her teacher when I asked. And to top it all off, she didn't have a meltdown at bedtime.

My day would have been complete there. But God had one more special little gift for me. As she was getting ready for bed, Aris asked about having a bedtime snack. This started a discussion as she was not allowed to eat before bed because of her constant sore throat. The best guess the doctors could come up with was that she had acid reflux. We'd tried several things, but even the strong antacid prescribed by the specialist didn't seem to help. On our last prayer letter, Steve asked people to pray for Aris' sore throat. Today she pointed out that she hadn't had a sore throat in quite awhile. Praise God!!! This is such a blessing to me because she had complained of a sore throat for over a year. Now it's gone. Yay!

Grains of Hope

Today's post is hard to right. I don't feel particularly thankful today. Although I've finally figured out something to write about, today has been hard. Not that anything spectacularly bad has happened, just more feeling the weight of continued challenges.

We are particularly feeling this in regards to our oldest. She is having some serious struggles right now, ones that a 6 year old shouldn't have to go through. I am almost beside myself with worry. Throughout this we keep trying to focus on God's supreme power. This situation is not impossible to Him. But what if He choses to remain aloof? Will He intervene? Will He be glorified? There are other situations in my life that really cause me to question this right now. To be honest, my faith is currently deeply cracked. I was hoping to speak with the Child and Youth Worker today to start a more aggressive course of action, but couldn't. My child does not want me to speak to the CYW, yet her behaviour continues to deteriorate. I feel like the waters are closing in over my head. Something needs to be done, but what?

This morning, I got a phone call. A friend was having a bad day. Well, more like a bad couple of days. In the past four days, she's gotten about 12 hrs of sleep. Of course, children don't seem to care how sick Mommy has been or how little sleep Mommy has gotten. They still need attention. So after the school drop-off, Kian and I went over for tea and a playdate. I talked, drank tea, chatted and snuggled little girls. Nothing amazing, just adding a little extra sanity to the mix. It's much easier to cope with challenging situations when there is someone there coming alongside. My basket of dirty laundry didn't get touched today, but I'm okay with that. Some things are more important.

I could have told my friend that I would pray, but that my life was far too busy and complicated today to come over. I could have said that I had to figure something out at the school, or that we don't have any clean matched socks. Instead I heard her need and placed it above my own. In return, I was given a grain of hope. While talking about her family, my friend mentioned how vitamin D is a mood-enhancer and is helpful in cases of depression. Not only did she show me what she gives her family, but she called over to the store and had them set it aside for me. This was particularly helpful as I dislike searching through shelves at the health food store. Kian and I purchased it, and then I dosed everyone at supper tonight. Surprisingly, all the kids took it without too much fuss. There are still more conversations that I need to have and decisions that I need to make. But until those get made, I have a wee bit more peace. I know that I'm headed in the right direction, even if it is just a baby step.

Hopefully tomorrow I will feel better about life. Perhaps my situation will turn around drastically. Maybe it will rain chocolate too. :) But until then, I am clinging to my tiny grain of hope and faith.