Early Risers

My wonderful boys decided that morning time came at 5 am today. We tucked both of them back into bed(well, actually Steve did as the boys won't let me near them if Daddy is available), and encouraged them to sleep but to no avail. At 6:00, we tucked Kian in with us and settled down until about 6:30. He wouldn't nurse, wouldn't calm down and answered "no" to every question we asked him. *sigh* Being in a hotel room, this was a problem. If we were at home, we would have enforced our rule of morning doesn't come until 7am, but we weren't at home. Thankfully watching cartoons stopped the screaming and we were able to rest a bit longer.

I went off to my very busy day while Steve prepared to spend a day with his boys. They went to the zoo, went swimming and explored. I talked about the physiology of birth, discussed comfort measures in labour and watched many birth videos. I think this is the first time that I've cried while watching a birth video. I wasn't alone in tearing up every time a baby was born. Every birth we watched was different with its unique twists and turns, but they were all beautiful. The more I learned and watched, the more I want to do this. To be honest, this scares the pants off of me. I struggle with feeling like a failure, that all I do is fail. Being a birth attendant is a huge responsibility. But even knowing this, I still want to do it. Our instructor said that we will make mistakes. The day that we think we did everything perfectly is the day we need to stop being a doula. Having that very honest self-evaluation and acceptance felt pretty good. It's almost as if she said that I will only fail if I stop admitting my mistakes and pretending that I'm perfect. Since I'm pretty conversant with my mistakes, I guess I'm good. :)

Right now, I'm exhausted. Today was a full day and waking up at 5am did not help. Listening to my husband be so patient and soothing with the boys was pretty cool though. He has been absolutely amazing with taking care of both them and me. We had great Chinese food for supper. I had good conversations with people in the class today and think that I might have made some friends that I will keep. Hearing how people met their husbands and about their weddings is pretty cool too. My boys went down without any fussing. Yay! I have a good book to read until I collapse into my pillow. Good night! :)