Can't...Stop...Smiling...

 When pain haunts movement and mindless fatigue swirls around, threatening to drown me in its current, each act becomes one of worship.  Even as I type, the waves wash up and my eyelids start to close.  The screen goes to black, my eyes flicker open and I type a bit more until another wave hits.  But in this I rejoice.  For I accomplished so much today.  A trip to the market reaping oodles of fresh, local produce for good prices, time in the kitchen produced a beautiful stew that fed my family and another, sitting at my kitchen table slicing peppers for the winter while building into a woman every one else has abandoned, clean boys sleeping in beds after having to remake them after extra energetic play.  My eyelids flicker again and I smile.  I'm rejoicing in those activities and more being done.  Even this heavy fatigue fills me with joy because it's proof that I didn't do it on my own.

 The phone rang earlier today, my mom calling to say that they had packed up the tent, put out the fire, and paddled back out to civilization.  My heart rejoiced that they are safe after canoe camping in the cold, wet wilds.  Her voice crackled a bit as she said "I"m praying for you. I'm praying as often as I remember that God will give you the strength for each task.  I pray all day that God gives you strength to get the kids to school, to make lunch, dinner, to eat those meals.  I'm praying".  It all made sense then, how I've been able to get what I need done before collapsing.  This dreaded sickness hasn't gone away, but God is strengthening me.  He has not abandoned me!  My chin hits my chest and bounces back up again, but still I smile!



Today I'm sharing this with imperfect prose, although it's definitely imperfect.  :)  Jump over there to view some beautiful art and photography as well as read some poetry and prose.