I didn't expect it to hurt this much or for this long. I'd left a church before, but somehow this feels different. Perhaps my lack of choice in this decision or the depth of pain play a part, but either way this is much more difficult than I expected. I knew leaving would hurt, that I would miss people, but I also expected my reasons for leaving to overshadow the pain that comes with severed relationships. Perhaps it's because we prolonged the process in our attempt to leave well that the pain still lingers. Perhaps this is just natural over losing a community that was family in so many ways. Maybe it's simply that I had hoped I had enough value to be missed.
Whatever the reason, I still hurt. I can't go back, but I miss my church deeply.