Niagara Getaway

 After the craziness of the last several weeks, our getaway was a much needed respite.  For the first two days, I could not stop grinning.  We left our boys with Steve's parents as Aris was with her other grandparents.  She also went to Niagara, but not while we were there.

 We had a great time away.  First, we stopped at Marineland, where I got to feed a beluga whale.  We also saw some pregnant beluga whales.  I'm not sure which was more of an impressive experience!  After Marineland, we checked in at our hotel.  Imagine our surprise when we ended up at a different hotel than expected!  It was still very nice, but instead of being on Clifton Hill, we were across from the Horseshoe Falls.  This is me standing across the street from our hotel.  We loved the view!

  I have a lot more to write as we had many awesome adventures, but it's late and I must go to bed.  I will try to blog again tomorrow.  I do finally have pictures up on Facebook though!

Regret

  Amid the cluttered kitchen I stand, my hands washing dishes, my mind picking over decisions made.  This one was good, another unknown, and these, well, they lie heavy on my heart like a pile of rocks, and I weep over them.  I mourn the innocent blindness of youth and first love and all the sorrow that followed.  How I wish my eyes would have been opened, my ears would have heard, that I would have been wise then.  Sorrow floods me as I mourn those choices.

 But the path of regret is treacherous, filled with potholes, a ravine on one side, a steep cliff threatening avalanche the other.  For to mourn my decisions is to reject the blessings that they brought.  The same bad decisions brought me my darling first born, my dancer, my artist, that whirlwind of ideas and energy?  How can I wish to never have dated her father when through her birth I first grasped grace?   When it was because of her that I first exchanged words with the man I later exchanged vows with?  He first fell in love with the sweet baby, not the young mama with the spiky purple hair.  That sweet girl loved him back, turned to his voice while "walking" on unsteady baby legs, so that the broken spiky girl learned to trust, to love and to be loved.  Love came, two more babies came, and healing comes in deluges and sprinkles, but always continuing. So then how can I have regrets?

 I weep over the pain, the brokenness that I have caused.  I weep over the consequences of my sin, for the little girl who has to bear them.  But I rejoice in God's goodness, in how He has made all things new, taken my shame and turned it into a beautiful love story.  I cannot separate out my life, say this is good and this is bad.  I made bad choices, I was so deeply wounded, but oh the beauty that has come from such a sad beginning!
 Join with me at Emily's today:

Birthday Blessings

 After an intense couple of weeks, I was pretty sure that my birthday was going to be forgotten.  This often happens as my birthday falls at the very end of a month filled with birthdays and anniversaries.  By the time we get to me, everybody is partied out.  After several bad birthdays, I try to keep my expectations low.  Still, I sometimes find myself in tears on what was supposed to be my special day.

 Not today!  Today has been wonderful.  I have received so many texts, emails and facebook messages either offering birthday wishes or words of encouragement and love.  The wonderful J brought me flowers, white chrysanthemums and a single red rose.  Kate was still in town and came over bearing cake that her mom had made.  It was delicious!  She stayed for my special birthday lunch that my mom brought over, along with a new re-usable bag, a necklace that she made, a beautiful card(that she also made) and a lot of chocolate!  My wonderful husband threw me a family party complete with shwarma(my current favourite food) and baklava instead of a cake.  During the meal several friends dropped by to wish me happy birthday along with cards, songs and hugs.  For my gift, Steve picked up the sequel to my favourite video game.  Zane was extremely excited as he also really enjoys this game.  Both of our parents gave us money for our upcoming trip.

 I can't stop smiling.  Today was amazing.  Even though I didn't do anything "special" (except for accidentally zapping myself on the fuse panel), I feel so loved and blessed.  Thank you to everyone who showered such love and kindness on me today.  *hugs*

Best Friends 2

 There are those friends that you don't have to pretend with.  The friends who've been there, who've watched you make mistakes, make good choices and just generally figure things out.  Kate is one of those friends.  In a couple of weeks, we will have been friends for 15 years!  She's seen me through a lot of change, and a lot of transition, especially in grade 11 when I struggled to find my identity.  Because of our history, I can be honest with her.  She came to visit me this week.  She doesn't need a clean house or well behaved children.  She can come sit on my couch and read a book, and it's okay!  I like those kind of friends!

 Later, once my wonderful husband came home and kids had been fed, we went to Chapters and then to Marble Slab.  It was lovely!  I am thankful for a friend who can be in real life with me, who can read cookbooks with me at the bookstore and then chat over fancy ice cream together.  I'm thankful for laughter over ants and understanding over hard times.  Best friends are a blessing, especially the ones that stick around.  I am well and truly blessed.

Best Friends

 Last week was rough.  So was yesterday.  I woke up emotionally numb and heavy-hearted this morning.  Steve and I shared coffee and prayer over breakfast.  While he headed out the door to work, I grabbed my Bible and journal and headed to the patio.  I sat for quite awhile and journaled the most I've written at one in several years.  I felt at peace, but still filled with questions.

 And then, my best friend Kate came over.  She lives out of town, and I miss her dearly.  It was so nice to have her here even though I had to take Kian to an appointment.  Every time Kate has visited, Kian has been grumpy.  Today was her first time getting to see him in a good mood.  He's a charmer when he's happy.  Later on Kian proved that he hadn't been abducted by aliens when he pitched a fit, but he was at his giggliest for the first part of her visit.  We chatted a bit, drank tea and coffee, and just hung out.  We didn't have a deep conversation today, but it was just so nice and restful to hang out with my best friend again.  I miss her so much!   I'm thrilled that she's going to be in town for the next couple of days.  Between her visit and some good meetings for Steve today, I feel much better about life.  This may just be a reprieve, but breaks are necessary for survival.  I am thankful. :)

Hopeful Mourning

 At lunch today, I gathered with some extended family and sang Happy Birthday to Aunt Irene.  Two hours later, we gathered at her church to wish her goodbye.  Steve's great aunt passed away on Wednesday and was buried today, on her 88th birthday.  She lived a good life, filled with people, adventure, love and service.  The church was decorated with beautiful banners that she had designed and created with the help of her good friends.  Pictures were displayed showing Aunt Irene with the love of her life.  Today, she celebrated her birthday in heaven with Jesus and her dear husband who passed away 6 years ago.

 There were some tears scattered here and there.  Aunt Irene was a wonderful woman.  I didn't know her long or well, but I loved her dearly.  It has been an honour to be part of her extended family.  She will definitely be missed.  But today, as we celebrated her life, we also celebrated our great hope, that of eternal life.  And it was beautiful!  We came home, not drained and grieving, but refreshed and re-energized.  I want to live my life like Aunt Irene, full of courage, caring and acts of service.  Hearing about her life inspired me to live a better story.  We've been at a crossroads this week wondering what we should do next.  Aunt Irene's funeral has given me direction and motivation.

 Aunt Irene, you were special.  Thank you for your love and your testimony.  I will see you again.  Love, Gracie:)

It Is Well

In the words of Horatio G. Spafford: 

  When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
  When sorrows like sea billows roll;
  Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
  It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Today this song keeps running through my head.  And as I walk through the valley of uncertainty and sorrow, I am reminded that it is well by little boy smiles and beautiful flowers. 

 Today I join with Emily at Imperfect Prose.