I had to practice grace today. I didn't want to.
My day was filled with plans, the things that I would do to earn the label productive. Oh, I had plans. But fulfilling those plans just wasn't going to happen today. It started off with walking the children to school. My neighbour and I have been sharing that responsibility. He really enjoys walking them to school. I feel guilty though when I let him. It's about striking a balance, always a hard job. Today I wanted to walk them. Upon coming downstairs, I discovered that the previous day's puddles were now covered with snow, turning them into epic slush piles. Slogging through slush with a baby on my back while carrying a cake is hard going. But I was determined to do it. Until my neighbour knocked on the door and I wasn't ready and my knee hurt and...I caved. Kissed my children, thought a prayer over them and passed the cake over to my neighbour with instructions on which teacher to give it to. I felt guilty...but also relieved.
That was the beginning of a day of compromise. Some chores like grocery shopping, picking up the kids and making dinner happened. I modified cleaning the rest of the bathroom(just did the mirrors today) and completely scrapped cleaning the kitchen. But I added in playing video games with my boy. That earns me bonus points, right? Through all the changing plans, I kept having to have grace towards myself. It was hard, until my parents came over and my dad immediately asked if I was running a fever and told me to take some tylenol. Then I didn't feel so bad.
Today wasn't exactly unusual for me. I often have to compromise my productivity because of pain or fatigue or sickness. Having Lenten goals complicates matters and yet, if I hit the mark every single day, would the cross mean as much? If I could do it on my own, would I need grace? Yes, I need to strive in all areas of my life, especially regarding housekeeping, but I need grace more than gold stars, more than coffee. I hope that tomorrow will be a more productive day, that my knee finally heals. But more than that, I hope that in whatever befalls I find grace, both to give and to keep.