The pain comes in waves, washing over me and I cry out thanks. I'm grateful for a pain-free yesterday, for all the moments lived free from the shadow of pain. My stomach churns and heaves, nudged into nausea by the ache of my head. And I praise God then too. I'm grateful for my bucket, for the last eight years in which the nausea and my headaches stopped dating, and for the hot sweet tea that will soothe my tummy and my heart in a moment.
It's new, this practice of praise in moments of pain. Instead of bemoaning my fate, questioning God or just whining, I offer up instead an offering. There is always much to be thankful for, even in moments of weakness, fear or misery. And as I praise, the pain in my head doesn't lessen, but the ache in my heart does. And when I have a week free of pain, oh the rejoicing that goes on! When the next week brings two bad days, well...I remember last week's blessing, and the good days in between and praise God for those. It isn't much, just whispered words in dark moments. I still want to curse, to whine, to enjoy being miserable. But little by little, uncontrollable joy is creeping into my heart, splashing out at random moments. So I give thanks, grateful for all that is in my life.