Once again, exhaustion pulls at my bones. I've been busy and bone-tired, so haven't written even as the words cascade inside of me, wanting to spill out. I've started half a dozen posts in my head, only to have them whirl off into the recesses of my foggy brain before I get to the computer. Life has not been silent, or even unkind to us lately. I am only silent here, but not for lack of words, just lack of computer time.
On Thursday, a dear friend of ours came for dinner. He comes about three times a year, during exam season. Darren is one that I can welcome in even when my house is the most chaotic. He doesn't mind. He cheerfully eats whatever I feed him and is amused by my children. They entertain him. Typically, he would open up his macbook while we put the children to bed, but Aris' bedtime is now later. She grabbed his hand and with enthusiasm requested that he make cookies with her. Darren hesitated, but when it was reframed as an opportunity to spend time with her, he quickly acquiesced. It was amusing, watching and listening to them. Being a mathy, Darren was soon instructing my daughter in sequences, functions and sphere packing. She listened intently and asked good questions. Once the cookies were baked and decorated, Aris went to bed and the grown-ups chatted. Mostly Steve and Darren chatted while I laughed at their very interesting and geeky conversations. I wasn't mocking them, they just have very strange discussions. That evening Darren sat in the computer chair so I couldn't blog. It's his fault I didn't write on Thursday, really.
I was going to catalogue my days, but really there has been too much. Another dinner at my grandmother's, this time a full-out turkey dinner complete with stuffing and cranberry sauce. She put together a lovely box of candy and crackers for my children as a Christmas present. I'm blessed beyond measure to be rebuilding our relationship.
My best friend came home for the weekend. We went to Chapters briefly and then made more cookies, this time for a cookie exchange. Aris was home this weekend, so we included her in our activities. That was more stressful for me, but nice for Aris. She loves Kate and cherishes the time she spends with her. On Saturday night we headed out to a youth service. The music was amazing, so loud that we couldn't hear ourselves sing. We worshipped with abandon. This is the second of these services I've attended and each time my soul has been deeply ministered too. Last night's worship and reflection both mended and repurposed me. Attending with my best friend didn't hurt either. We laughed deeply and often, while continuing our ongoing discussion on faith and life. She challenges me while loving me. Although leaving our church has been painful, I'm finding solace in attending church with my best friend and her family. She headed back up north after this morning's service, but will be back for Christmas vacation in just a week. I can't believe that Christmas is almost upon us!
I've been reflecting on Christmas too. Currently, I'm dissatisfied with how I celebrate Christmas. We're in the long and slow process of modifying our traditions. Yesterday, someone told me that they hate Christmas. While I understand where he was coming from, I've been mulling over my response to that. For me, God made flesh is so important. Loving a distant, all-powerful God is hard. Fear comes naturally, but love? But this Emmanuel opens the door to a relationship with God, not just because of His eventual sacrifice, but because of His walk here on earth. God put on flesh and dwelt among us, not as an overlord, but as a member of the working poor. The God who created this universe is hard for me to trust or love. But the Jesus who wept, who loved, who healed and who gave His life with abandon, Him I can love. Thus a bridge is built, not only between sinful man and Holy God, but also between omnipotent God and fragile frail man. This is more meaningful for me this Christmas than other years as I have been struggling with trusting and loving this God whose immensity I cannot grasp.
There is more I could write. My brain is full. But my husband has an iPod to play with, so I will relinquish the computer to him and return to my book. In time, I will endeavour to write more.