Waves and Photos

 Currently, I'm finding it hard to write.  It isn't that the words aren't there because oh, do I ever have a lot of words! Instead it's confidence that is lacking.  Emotional struggles tend to ebb and flow.  I can be doing very well only to be hit with another wave of doubt, grief, insecurity and just plain old pain.  It's hard to write on those days, harder still to cling to truth, but I'm trying.  To be truthful, that's when I call my husband and he speaks words of truth to me whether I want him to or not.  Somehow, we make it through until the wave ebbs and I can breathe again.

 I've been caught again in the swell lately. We had a glorious weekend away, our first time together in Ottawa without the children.  Although both our children and our friends were disappointed, it was quite nice.  We did miss them, but it was amazing how much faster a six hour drive goes when there aren't small people in the vehicle!  We spent time chatting, listening to old-school Petra, praying and just being silent together.  The weather was warm and the sky was spectacular.

 The drive was soothing, even though our rented car smelt like faded cigarette smoke.  While taking my turn driving, I found my palms smelling like smoke as it leeched from the steering wheel into my skin.  But even our frustration couldn't shake our enthusiasm and contentment over a weekend away.  We didn't want to stop much for fear of missing our dinner with my sister, so I practiced taking pictures while we drove.  It was simply wonderful.

 Our weekend was fabulous, with good food, better friends and some time with just the two of us.  I even found some of my favourite chocolate(milk chocolate with hot masala and dark chocolate with pink peppercorns. Bliss!). Between church and a lunch meeting, we snuck off to take pictures of ice.  Unfortunately the warmer weather had melted the canal, so we didn't get to go skating, but we did see some beautiful ice.  I wasn't able to get pictures of the great chunks of ice stacked on top of each other where the ice had melted and bucked.  But we did get to Hogsback, a beautiful site any time of year.

 As Steve took pictures,  I wandered around, basking in the beauty of the ice, snow and rushing water.  It was a treat.  When he was done, we held hands and watched the water briefly until Steve got too cold.  Normally I'm the one that wimps out first, but surprisingly I was quite comfortable.  Not sure why...from there we went out for lunch with friends.  It was a wonderful time together.

 I came back only to be hit with another wave of grief, sadness and confusion.  I wish I could process and be done with it, leaving all these icky emotions behind.  Perhaps I need to take more pictures and chase away this wave with beauty.  I think I can do that. :)