Monday, February 8, 2010

Grains of Hope

Today's post is hard to right. I don't feel particularly thankful today. Although I've finally figured out something to write about, today has been hard. Not that anything spectacularly bad has happened, just more feeling the weight of continued challenges.

We are particularly feeling this in regards to our oldest. She is having some serious struggles right now, ones that a 6 year old shouldn't have to go through. I am almost beside myself with worry. Throughout this we keep trying to focus on God's supreme power. This situation is not impossible to Him. But what if He choses to remain aloof? Will He intervene? Will He be glorified? There are other situations in my life that really cause me to question this right now. To be honest, my faith is currently deeply cracked. I was hoping to speak with the Child and Youth Worker today to start a more aggressive course of action, but couldn't. My child does not want me to speak to the CYW, yet her behaviour continues to deteriorate. I feel like the waters are closing in over my head. Something needs to be done, but what?

This morning, I got a phone call. A friend was having a bad day. Well, more like a bad couple of days. In the past four days, she's gotten about 12 hrs of sleep. Of course, children don't seem to care how sick Mommy has been or how little sleep Mommy has gotten. They still need attention. So after the school drop-off, Kian and I went over for tea and a playdate. I talked, drank tea, chatted and snuggled little girls. Nothing amazing, just adding a little extra sanity to the mix. It's much easier to cope with challenging situations when there is someone there coming alongside. My basket of dirty laundry didn't get touched today, but I'm okay with that. Some things are more important.

I could have told my friend that I would pray, but that my life was far too busy and complicated today to come over. I could have said that I had to figure something out at the school, or that we don't have any clean matched socks. Instead I heard her need and placed it above my own. In return, I was given a grain of hope. While talking about her family, my friend mentioned how vitamin D is a mood-enhancer and is helpful in cases of depression. Not only did she show me what she gives her family, but she called over to the store and had them set it aside for me. This was particularly helpful as I dislike searching through shelves at the health food store. Kian and I purchased it, and then I dosed everyone at supper tonight. Surprisingly, all the kids took it without too much fuss. There are still more conversations that I need to have and decisions that I need to make. But until those get made, I have a wee bit more peace. I know that I'm headed in the right direction, even if it is just a baby step.

Hopefully tomorrow I will feel better about life. Perhaps my situation will turn around drastically. Maybe it will rain chocolate too. :) But until then, I am clinging to my tiny grain of hope and faith.

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