Ever had those moments when it seems like there's a bigger story happening around you? I just had one of those. Today was a rough day. There's nothing quite like having to explain that my stress levels are elevated due to trauma, and no, my husband doesn't hit me. Unfortunately, I don't think she believed me as she told me that it's okay to talk about it and that I don't have to pretend. *grr* Unfortunately the stress has begun to take a physical toll on my body and I will have to have a full blood work-up done. Later this evening I had a challenging conversation that left me feeling hopeless. Sometimes I feel like my life is some sort of soap opera for the angels. "Look! Even though last time she obeyed God it turned out a horrible mess, she's going to do it again! Isn't her naivete great? She's just too trusting!" (yes, i did just admit that i think the angels mock me. my pastor says he's going to have to re-read his Bible to find those verses.) I just want healing to start, but instead the damage seems to keep getting worse.
But then I walked to the library and in perfect timing met up with a wonderful friend who was also going to the library. On our way back we stopped to visit Veronica(not her real name). Teresa(also not her real name), Veronica and I just had this amazing conversation that covered everything from wedding plans to challenging children to our faith. All of the stuff that I've been wading through day came up and in a good way. In that living room, there was no pretense. We were just three women struggling to live a life that honours God. It was real. It was honest. It was gritty. But it was also beautiful. And in that room I realized that although this past year has been brutal, I'm so glad that it's happened. Without this trauma, I wouldn't have been free to invest in those relationships. I wouldn't be as honest. But because I have and I am, we are actively working together to be better people, better friends, better mothers and better wives. We don't gossip, we don't judge and we don't pretend. But we do pray and love. I am blessed. Ladies, I am better for your presence in my life.