Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I Will Be Back...

 I am exhausted.  The last couple of days have been really tough.  There's a lot of stuff going on and I know God is here.  But right now my brain is too tired to write.  Sorry...I will be back when I can put a sentence together properly.

Monday, April 26, 2010

My Parents-in-Love I'm currently emotionally exhausted.  Tonight was challenging.  A friend ended up breaking up with her boyfriend tonight and it was bad.  Really bad.  I ended up in the middle of it.  Although I really hate drama, I was scared to leave her alone.  Steve's parents had been out with us this evening, and they both ended up involved.  Wow! They are wonderful!  I so appreciated their calm presence, support and experience.  Please pray for us and my friend as we move forward. Not only am I so thankful for my parents-in-love(as my mother would say), I'm also really thankful for my wonderful husband who treats me so very well.  Guys, you rock!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Peaceful Parent(ing)

 I'm not going to lie.  Today was bad. By two in the afternoon I was distressed and exhibiting signs of high blood pressure.  Unfortunately, this weekend Aris was away which meant that I needed to deal with her in full blown transition mode.   I didn't have the emotional resources left to deal with her tantrums.  On the way home, Aris wanted to do something with me so I suggested going to my mom's.  We were on the expressway, not far from my mom's exit.  I called, my mom agreed, Steve dropped us off.  Grammy was already hauling out her bead supplies and my dad was waking up from his afternoon nap.  While Aris was busy, I went upstairs and poured my heart out to my dad.  My dad is wonderful!  He listened, made insightful comments and rubbed my foot.  I felt so much better.  When I was done, we watched some videos on YouTube where I introduced my dad to Carrie Underwood. :)

 The time at my parents was pretty low-key.  My mom made a great dinner, Aris made me a necklace, and Dad was his normal wonderful self running errands, listening and telling stories.  I felt so much better when we left.  Being with my peaceful parents really restored my soul. :)

 After we put the kids to bed, my friend came over for tea.  She had a rough weekend and needed someone to talk to.  Over tea and biscuits, she shared that her boyfriend was criticizing how she was taking care of a baby.  Recently, I came across some articles that discussed in lengths the very issues she was fighting with her boyfriend over.  I pulled up one of my favourite blogs and searched for the articles I was looking for. Several minutes and a consult with Steve later, the articles were printed and in my friend's hand.  My reading enabled her to have the information she needed to make good decisions.  I am so thankful for the excellent people who take the time to research, publish and write articles that help parents make good choices.  Peaceful Parenting, I appreciate you! :)

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Celebrating J.

 Today is my dear neighbour's birthday.  Although today was hectic, once I remembered that it was J's birthday I decided that we would throw her a party.  So we bought a cake, some tea and invited ourselves and some other friends over to their house.  Normally on a friend's birthday, I just wish them happy birthday.  I used to really make an effort, but after some "interesting" outcomes, I've stopped.  This would be an area in my life where I feel like my giftings are really a failure.

 But J's birthday is different.  This dear friend has only been in Canada for just over a month.  She doesn't have family here other than her husband and son and has never had to celebrate her birthday without her family and friends.  And it was her very first birthday in Canada.  As such it must be celebrated properly.  Not only did we get cake, card and gift but I also learned how to wish someone happy birthday in Russian.  This is a very hard language to learn and much mocking and hilarity ensued.  But it was worth it for J to be celebrated in her own language.  I am so thankful for friends, late night parties, good chocolate cake and great tea.  I think I'm thankful for another friend who speaks Russian, but that's currently, I am very thankful for his patience as well.  I am so blessed. :)

Friday, April 23, 2010


 Being the youngest of three, my baby is constantly trying to be big too.  He wants to walk just like his older siblings.  At two, they were more than happy to ride or be worn.  Not this little dude! Every time we go somewhere, Kian protests " Ah wok! Ah wok!".   If we're running late and he must ride, his protests become shrill and frantic.  Not only does he want to walk, but he also wants to climb everything,  drink out of big kid cups, and use the toilet.  In short, he longs for independence.

 Like Kian, I want independence too.  I want to be in control of my own life, to make my own decisions.  But I can't.  There are things that I just can't do on my own.  Other things where I need to realize that I'm part of a partnership and that I can't be completely independent anymore.  This does not come easy.  In some ways, I am just like my son wanting to do it all myself, to be just like the big kids.

 I am thankful that my dear Heavenly Father and my husband know my limitations.  Just like me with Kian, they encourage and allow me to be independent.  Sometimes they may make suggestions that it would be wise for me to heed.  Other times they let me run and then catch me when I fall.  And just like with my little man, God(and often Steve) are always there to pick me up, comfort me and snuggle me back in.  As Kian grows, He will be increasingly able to do things on his own.  There will even be some things that I expect him to do all by himself.  Thankfully this is one area where my relationship with God differs.  He will always be there, no matter how old I get. :) For this I am always thankful.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Kids of Character

 Unless this is the very first blog entry of mine you're reading, you know that I have three kids.  My oldest is not quite 7 and my baby just turned 2.  What you may not have figured out yet is that my kids are characters.   Aris has an unique sense of fashion and wants to be an African Lion's Safari Tamer when she grows up.   Zane climbs everything, talks a mile a minute and would like to be a super-hero when he grows up.  But if he can't be that, then he wants to design video games.  As far as we know, Kian doesn't know what he wants to be.  But he likes wearing cowboy hats and riding his dragon around the house.  I love my children and their wonderful imaginations so much!

 Unfortunately, they often put their creative energies to other uses like bugging their siblings.  Surprisingly, it is my sweet little baby that is the worst for this.  This morning while waiting for breakfast Kian started spitting at his brother.  Zane's cries of "No Thank You!" grew increasingly shrill as his little brother continued to spit.  I intervened and the spitting stopped.  Thirty seconds later it started again.  This time my wonderful husband stepped in and put Kian in time-out.  After his tears stopped, reconciliation began.  Kian apologized to Zane,  Zane forgave him and then they hugged. It was a touching scene, especially when Aris asked for a hug as well.

 Motherhood is tough.  Today was a rougher day on my motherhood scale as I was dealing with a defiant, disobedient little boy.  Some days I wonder what God was thinking when He gave me my children. I am far from patient or calm, both of which are traits my kids need in a mother.  But then I see these moments where my kids are growing and learning and I have a little bit more hope.   My wee one has had such a hard time apologizing, yet in the last several days he has started making things right sometimes even on his own.  Forgiveness is hard, even for a grown-up who knows how important it is.  Yet my children have embraced the process of reconciliation and are making it their own.  During my rough day, I held on to that tender breakfast scene and cherished it.  Hopefully this means that my children won't grow up to be axe murderers.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Wonderful Teachers

 There are several people in our lives that I am continually grateful for.  These would be my children's teachers and the support staff at our school.  They are amazing! Today I volunteered in the class for two hours.  My job was to run a station where we experimented with an inclined plane.  My first two groups of students were awesome! The next two groups reminded me that I really need to pray for Zane's teacher more.  I am so thankful for Mrs. G and all the hard work that she does.  I am thankful for her love for each of those children.  She is so patient and kind.  I am so thankful for everyone who invests in the lives of my children.  Thank you!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Blackberries and Bread

 I have a confession to make: I am a foodie.  On several occasions, I have commented to Steve that I appreciate beauty through food. :)  Some people experience God through nature, for me it's through my tastebuds. :)  Consequently, I spend a lot of time reading and talking about food as well as cooking, baking and eating.  I have an entire shelf full of cookbooks in my kitchen and would love to add more.  Steve doesn't think I need any more cookbooks though so I'm currently borrowing them from either my mother or the library.  I have to say finding cookbooks at the library has made me heart it even more. :)

 However, as much as I love food, I am not the healthiest eater on the planet.  As a parent this is a little bit scary.  This is even scarier as I'm in charge of most of the food that gets eaten by my family.  So we are on a journey to eat healthier.  At the same time, we are also working on eating more local food.  These two objectives seem to blend together nicely.

 Last week I found a bread recipe that is both a less sweet whole wheat and makes the quantity I wanted (three loaf pans).  I know that's strange, but I have three loaf pans so I wanted to make sure they all got used.  So far I've made bread three times.  My family loves the bread.  My friends love this recipe.  It does not last long.  And the best part is getting my kids involved and teaching them about where our food comes from and the processes involved.  It won't be long before Aris can make bread by herself. :)

 After dance tonight, Aris and I went grocery shopping.  The very first thing we saw was some fruit that was on sale.  Since she asked very nicely, I agreed that we could buy some.  Later she asked for some candy.  I said that she could have some, but we'd have to put back the blackberries.  She decided that she'd rather have the fruit! Yay! I am so thankful that my kids are loving their healthy, yummy food.  They are enthusiastic participants in our quest to eat local.  We have a long way to go on our healthy eating journey, but I am so thankful by their response. :)

Monday, April 19, 2010

Advil, Tea and Donuts

 On today's list of gratitude, advil ranks pretty high.  I am also thankful for tea, donuts and friends to share both with.  Although suffering from a headache, I enjoyed two times of fellowship with my friends this evening.  My LifeGroup met at Tim Horton's tonight with just the women in attendance.  It was such a blessing to talk honestly without fear of judgement with these dear friends.  I am so grateful for these women who are seeking God in such a real way while fully acknowledging the storms in their lives.  There weren't any plastic Christians at our table tonight!

 When I arrived home, I was fully intending to go straight to bed.  But my neighbours had left me a present, so I needed to thank them.  What was supposed to be a quick visit ended up being a much longer one.  Once Steve showed up, J. made us both tea and pulled out the cookies. We laughed a lot.  My neighbours have seen my messy house.  They've seen my kids have full-out temper tantrums.  Tonight they saw me so ridiculously tired that at one point I stopped speaking in English.  But my dear neighbours love me even though I'm so far from perfect.  I am so blessed by the presence of people in my life who are real with me and that I in turn can be transparent with.  The fact that I can share laughter, tea, donuts, and headache remedies with them is just a bonus. :)

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Napping with Kian

 I'm sad to say that my baby typically doesn't nap.  Although my other children napped regularly until they were three, Kian quit naps early.  We're not entirely sure why.  One day he was going down for a nap without any fuss, the next he screamed for hours instead of sleeping.  So we've given up on him napping.  Sometimes he sleeps, but only while nursing on my lap or in the car or on my back.  I miss naptime!
 But today, my darling little boy actually slept.  I was exhausted after church today.  So after our friends left, Kian and I crawled into bed together.  He nursed for awhile and then passed out.  We had a lovely cuddle and nap together.  Unfortunately he did not wake up well and screamed for awhile, but the nap was lovely.  Once Kian woke up, he was lovely too. :)

Saturday, April 17, 2010

My Parents Are Home!

 Yay! My parents are finally home! After two weeks of adventuring, the happy wanderers have returned.  Intending to merely have a pleasure trip, my parents ended getting very involved in ministry both on the American and Mexican side of the border.  After a week of that, my parents went to the Gulf for a second honeymoon.  I'm very glad that they had such a great trip, but I'm also very glad that they are back.

 There has been much to be thankful for recently.  Aris has had a very good week.  My wonderful husband built a bunkbed for the boys today together with a good friend.  I'm thankful not only that we now have a bunk bed, but also for how talented and handy my husband is.  When we got married, I really didn't think he was handy.  I was delightedly surprised when he started moving in his tools and camping equipment. I am also thankful that our marriage survived today(it was stressful for me), and for wonderful in-laws that come to babysit so that we could have an emergency date.  Thankfully we like each other again. :)

 My list keeps going.  Aris read a book in Chapters yesterday.  Her reading is improving daily.  I made bread with my kids today.  Aris made a salad all by herself on Thursday and it was yummy.  My kids are growing both physically and in the grace and knowledge of Christ.  Today was crazy.  I barely sat down.  But even though today pushed my limits and my buttons, I am so thankful for all of the big and little blessings in my life.  I'm also so grateful for the unmerited, freely given forgiveness that I receive after I blow it.  And now, I'm thankful for my nice warm bed.  Good night! :)

Thursday, April 15, 2010


 Up until a year ago, my mother was completely terrified of heights.  She hated heights of all shapes and sizes.  But today she went parasailing with my dad!  He found out about it online and started talking it up.  I must confess that I helped.  So today they went up.  I'm pretty thankful because if  God can heal my mom enough so that she can go parasailing, then He can do anything!  :)

Wednesday, April 14, 2010


 What would life be like if it wasn't shared?  Most things are better when experienced with a friend, and sorrows often feel lighter when disclosed to a sympathetic ear.  Dress shopping goes better and is much more enjoyable when done with a friend.  Doing something challenging like climbing a lighthouse or parasailing(Mom, you know you want to!) is less daunting while squeezing your loved one's hand.

 I am so blessed to live a shared life.  We literally live in community.  Our townhouse is on the inside row of a loose square of buildings.  Sometimes this can seem a little intimidating as there isn't much in the way of privacy.  Our neighbours across the way are Muslims, so I feel awkward when Steve and I kiss in front of an open window as PDAs are taboo in their culture.  I'm a wee bit wary of swimsuit season coming up. I imagine I'll be even less comfortable making my way to and from the pool knowing that my bathing costume is potentially offensive. :S  Our walls are thin so I never know exactly what and how much my neighbours hear from us.  Or what they think after one of my children has thrown a screaming fit.  So far we haven't been reported to CAS(that I know of), so I'll take that as a good sign.

 But there are many blessings that come with living this type of life.  I often walk to school with one of my neighbours as we leave at the same time.  The walk is much more enjoyable with another adult to share it with.  During the day I often have tea or a playdate with one of my neighbours.  Sometimes we go to the library, park or to the mall together.  Life is better when done together.  Time seems to go faster and I don't feel as isolated.

 Today was spent in community.  From brief talks in a parking lot to several shared meals this evening I have not been alone.  Not only do I have a very happy tummy right now, I have also had my small little view of the world challenged.  I've come away with new ideas for prayer, new trips to plan and a new lasagna recipe to try.  This sharing of life isn't always easy, but it's good.  I am blessed. :)

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Tea in the Sunshine

Today started out with good ideas. I was motivated and in a very good mood. After spending a good chunk of the morning doing really well, I crashed. Important thoughts had been coalescing in my brain, but when I tried to express them to my wonderful husband it didn't work. My words seem to fall flat and then my darling child decided that he needed to take this opportunity to crawl all over me and tug at my hair. It was not a good scene.

But although I felt despairing, I soldiered on trying to wash dishes, feed kids, make bread. Then my son suggested playing with our neighbour. That was a good idea. I followed my kids over bearing tea and bread. My lovely neighbour also thought this was a good idea, so out we went into the sun and sat with our little picnic. My soul was refreshed, sitting in the sun with tea, bread and a good friend. I thank my God often when I think of my dear new neighbour! :)

Monday, April 12, 2010

Ya tribere lublu

Today I learned a new phrase.  Actually I can now say "Steve is my friend" and "Steve is my husband" in Russian.  But then I learned another significant little phrase "Ya tribere lublu".  Since I don't read or write in Cryllic, you'll have to do with my Anglicized translation of "I love you."

There's a lot of things I do wrong.  My house is still a mess, I'm often very self-centered and I really like junk food.  But today my dear lovely friend gave me a hug and told me she loves me.  That was pretty special.  And then I learned the Russian phrase and said it back to her.  I am so blessed by the presence of my dear new friend in my life. :)

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Stop(Part 2)

Like I mentioned yesterday, I often feel like I have to do everything. This has turned out to be true when it comes to laundry, but only because my wonderful husband would run out of clean clothes only after everyone else had been running around naked for two weeks. But for just about everything else, that statement doesn't hold true. When I've been incapacitated for a longer period of time, dishes still got done and children still got fed. Stuff may not have happened the way I thought it should, but that's another story.

Recently, I've realized that I struggle with this feeling in regards to relationships too. Often I beat myself up for all the things that I could have done and didn't. But I've been learning that I need to stop. Yes, I need to try my best. Yes, I need to obey God when He tells me to do something. But other people's choices are not my fault. And even in the midst of all of my failures, God can still use my life to bring glory to Himself. That absolutely boggles my mind!

We had a great message at church this morning that really convicted me. Strangely enough, the part that grabbed my attention was part of the introduction, not part of the main focus of the sermon. Afterwards, I was chatting with a lovely young lady and we got on to the topic of serving God in the midst of our crazy lives. We both struggle with balancing everything and often feel like we're failing God and everybody around us. I shared some crazy stories from my own life and then about what God is doing in my parent's life right now. By the end of that story, we were both bawling. Sometimes we think that once we've been redeemed, that everything should go perfectly. Suddenly everything will be rosy and we'll become the perfect friend, spouse, child and parent. When that doesn't happen, I question God not so much about who He is, but who I am. Am I this weird defective person because my life isn't picture perfect ? But God isn't about surface perfection. I'm slowly learning that He's about taking my brokenness and turning it into this beautiful picture that perfectly points to Him. So right now, I'm stopping. This doesn't mean that I'm not going to try my best, or stop working on the areas of my life that need help, but this means that I'm going to stop stressing about how messed up I am and trust that God can and will redeem that too. Man, do I feel better now! :)

Saturday, April 10, 2010


Sometimes I just need to stop. Life gets so crazy and there is always so much to do, that I feel that I can't stop. If I don't do things, they just won't get done. This does tend to be true. Unfortunately, the more I try, the more tired I get and the less actually gets accomplished. *sigh*
So today I stopped. I ran some errands for myself and then I changed into jammies and crawled into bed with a book. Granted, it was a book I have to read, but it was also an absolutely amazing book. The first half was all birth stories. Since I really really like birth stories, this was great! Now I want to go visit The Farm and meet Ina May Gaskin. Also, does anyone have a copy of Spiritual Midwifery I can borrow? But I digress....

At the end of the day, I feel much better. The boys were fed, diapers were washed, and the earth continued to rotate on its axis. Here I thought that if Mommy took a break the fabric of the universe might unravel. But it didn't. Straaange. Sometimes I really need to stop and rest. This is not something that comes naturally, but I'm learning. Hopefully today's rest will help me kick this cold in time for the next birth I'm scheduled to be at. Even if it didn't, my happiness quotient has been improved and that is good. :)

Friday, April 9, 2010

Happiness Is...

hearing my baby say "Luv you too, Mommy!" That was a heart-melting moment. :)

listening to a conversation that I understand very very little of, but knowing that my husband is very happily geeking out.

making a delicious curry for dinner.

having enough left-over curry to make biriani tomorrow.
knowing that tomorrow is Saturday and I don't have to get kids to school. :)

Thursday, April 8, 2010


Rainy days tend to be referred to as gray or bleak days. The sky is overcast and everything seems a bit sadder. Hand in hand, Zane and I headed out into the greyness. We climbed through mud and looked for puddles to splash in as we walked to school. Our bright boots, his red and mine yellow, added colour to the landscape. On my back Kian was bundled under a bright, multi-hued blanket. As we walked, we looked for colours: the light green of new growth, the darker green of grass, bright red tulips, creamy white daffodils, yellow crocuses, periwinkle periwinkle and the starry blue of wood hyacinths. Suddenly the day didn't seem so bad even with the sun in hiding. When I stop and look for the colours, my life doesn't look so bad either. God is here, sometimes I just have to look harder. :)

If you're in need of a good laugh, read Jamie's blog for more examples of finding God in the midst of life. :)

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

A Busy Morning

Do you ever wonder how on earth the events of the day are going to actually happen? Today was one of those days. Today was packed full of stuff to do. Kids to drop off, wedding dresses to shop for, contact lenses to pick up and mail, and a lunch with my husband, pastor and pastor's wife. So I prayed and prayed and prayed. Everything should work if I didn't stop, didn't do anything extra. But that didn't happen. A friend needed a listening ear, so I stopped, prayed and listened. Strangely enough, everything worked. I got all my errands done and got to my meeting on time. Definitely a God-thing!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Spring Cleaning

I'll be very honest and admit that yes, I am a horrible housekeeper. *sigh* This is one of my greatest failings. I am continually in the process of becoming a better housekeeper, and am currently attempting to chase the chaos out of my house by tackling the worst areas. Hopefully this will eventually result in a tidy house. Well, a girl can dream. :)

Over the past week or so, I have been slowly tackling this problem areas. I'm guising this as spring cleaning, when really it's more of a "my house is a dragon and I'm tired of feeding it princesses, so now I'm hunting it down and killing it". Wow...that was a long sentence...anyhoo...I am slowly cleaning my house. Yesterday I tackled the top of the fridge and my kitchen counters. Today I did laundry and started work on Aris' floor. This may take awhile. Unfortunately, I burned my thumb this afternoon while making lunch, so I ended up doing more reading than working. Although this process is taking much longer than I would like(where is my magic wand again?), I am finding joy in restoring order to small sections of my house. Periodically, I stop and stare at my clean fridge top. It is a source of joy to me right now. :) Wow...I either need to get out more or have a cleaner house. :)

Monday, April 5, 2010


Wow! This weekend has been a whirlwind, but mostly one of blessings. My best friend Kate was in town for the weekend and we were able to spend a good amount of time together. I may not see her until fall, so I am blessed by her visit. :) Last night, we went next door again and shared a lovely meal and conversation. My neighbours are a blessing as well. Today, more new neighbours moved in, this time ones with a little girl Aris' age! We were happy that the kids had a little boy to play with, but now Aris has a female friend too! We are so blessed! :) Today I was able to get some spring cleaning done as the kids were outside playing with neighbour kids all day long. Some even followed us in for dinner. :)

The weather was so nice that Steve got out our patio furniture and the outside toys. After getting our chores done, we took the kids over to the park. On the way there we saw a groundhog(our first sighting of the season), a cardinal and a male mallard duck. I was pretty happy. :)

My mom has also had some amazing things happen. My parents are taking a trip to celebrate their 30th anniversary. They have gone back to where they met, which was also where my mother had been serving as a missionary teacher. Unfortunately, she had also incurred some serious wounds while she was there. Dad convinced her to go back and yesterday God did something amazing! It isn't my story to tell, and I'm running late for a meeting so I won't, but I am so deeply encouraged by what happened. Between what happened on at the Good Friday service and my mom's Easter Sunday story, I feel much more hopeful than I did last week.
Healing does happen, just sometimes it takes awhile. Hopefully, I won't have to wait 30 years, but if I do, I know that God will turn that into something beautiful too. :) Now to my meeting with a potential client I shall go!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

I Am Hungry!!!!

Today has been good. My parents have made it safely to Brownsville, Texas for their 30th anniversary trip, I had a great shopping trip with Kate and purchased some cute clothes that actually look cute on me, Steve and I went to a play put on by some of "our" teens, and I finished making my chocolate covered cream eggs. Since I had leftover melted chocolate, I then dipped strawberries in the chocolate. My house is a very good place to come if you need a sugar high. :)

This evening was great as Steve and I got to go out without our kids. My FIL babysat, while my MIL came with. In between each scene, the lights went out and upbeat music played. After about 6 of these, Steve and I got bored so I started demanding kisses each time the lights went out. We knew a lot of people there so Steve would only chastely kiss my cheek. It was pretty funny! I am very very hungry so we stopped at the grocery store on the way home. Now I need to go eat my yummy salad that was 50% off. Hopefully eating something healthy will either prevent me from eating more junk food or at the very least balance it out. :)

Friday, April 2, 2010

More Than Words Can Say

My heart is pretty full right now. Today has been full of ups and downs, with beautiful moments where we talked about Jesus and hard horrible moments of a child hurting so deeply emotionally and me feeling so inadequate. And this was just with one child, leaving out all of the day's other drama involving the other children.

I am physically and emotionally tired. Some days I wonder who I am. Other days I wonder if there is any value to me other than that person who provides clean clothes, dishes, food, entertainment and attempts to clean the house. Over the course of the last couple of weeks, I have felt helpless and hopeless. Some of the situations in my life look incredibly bleak. I do not see a way out. At times, my future seems unbearably dark.

For about a month now, I have been crying out to God about this. Begging Him to fix this brokenness, I yell " I can't do this anymore! You need to do something!" I don't pull punches with God. He gets a very honest earful. Earlier this week, Steve held me while I screamed "Where are You, God?!? Where Are You?!?"

This evening was extremely rough, with some extreme behaviour on the part of my children and some strange physical symptoms on my part. I felt light-headed and exhausted. Since Steve injured his ankle, I have been driving when we're as a family. He is driving with his left foot, but I'm not as comfortable since I'm used to his proper driving skills. For the time being, he gets to "enjoy" being a passenger. Thankfully I'm currently driving well and not freaking him out. Tonight though, I was feeling bad enough that he drove us home from my parents. Had I been staying home, I would have gone to bed immediately. But I was, of course, scheduled to go out with my best friend Kate to a Good Friday service.

I went. And I was blessed. It's hard to explain exactly what happened. I don't have all the words. There is still more processing that needs to be done. But I know that God met me there. I know that He is here, that He is in this situation. Tonight the service focussed on how God is there for both the broken and the bully. He heals them both. But to get to that point, takes time. Now I need to continue to wait. I need to surrender my need to know, my need for immediate answers. I want my life to glorify God. I want to be completely healed. Both of those take time and surrender. *sigh* I'm sure that this process won't be easy. Trauma sucks. However, right now I have the hope that I need to continue. Hopefully the next time it gets this hard, I will flip back through my blog entries to remind myself that God is here, He has not abandoned me yet. By His grace and His grace alone, I will be okay. And for that I am thankful beyond measure!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Finding the Lost

Tomorrow is Good Friday. Not only is this a day of remembrance with my family, it is also a day that the grocery stores are not open. This can be a problem as as a family we like to eat. So this evening, I along with many other people visited the local grocery store. After carefully selecting my purchases, I found a line. Just as the next person in line paid, I realized that I didn't have my wallet. *gasp* This was just a little nerve-wracking! Thankfully the cashier was very nice to me, and I left my groceries and went out to the van. I called Steve, but he hadn't seen my wallet. I called my client whom I had visited that afternoon, but she hadn't seen my wallet. Off I headed to my last destination all the while praying that the door would still be unlocked. Miracles of miracles, the door was unlocked and my wallet was hiding on a couch, untouched! Back to the grocery store I went where my groceries were waiting for me. And now after much running around, I am home again. :)