Saturday, July 24, 2010

Going on Vacation

 It's been a rough week.  Car's been in the shop twice, I've been sick, Kian's finger got infected and it's been insanely humid.   But we've survived and now it's time for vacation!  Tomorrow our family heads north for a week at family camp.  I'm very excited to spend a week in, on and near the water.  Water soothes my soul.  I'm also looking forward to not cooking for a week.  Hopefully, after this week away I will return healthy emotionally and physically.  I'm looking forward to it!  I won't be blogging next week, so I'll see you when I return.  Have a good week! :)

Friday, July 23, 2010

Too Much Grace

 I have not been well most of this week.  This is on top of months of fatigue, migraines and chronic light-headedness.  All of this has left me unable to be a good wife and mother.  Most of this week my wonderful husband has done the cleaning and cooking.  And he's not mad at me!
 I don't get this.  I don't understand his unconditional acceptance of my illness, of my inability to do much.  I feel like he should be mad, annoyed, frustrated.  I expect him to be.  I don't trust love that forgives, that accepts, that shoulders the burdens that shouldn't have to be shouldered.  I keep waiting for him to throw up his hands and walk away.

 But he hasn't.  He's stayed through so many rough times, through post-partum depression, through an unplanned and extremely challenging pregnancy, through the hell of this past year.  We have both been broken, him because of me and still he stays. Still he loves me.  I don't get it.

 I am so blessed by his love, by his imperfect reflection of the Father.  I don't deserve it, I feel bad about it, but oh am I ever grateful that my man loves me and won't give up.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Adversity and the Strong Arm.

 In my kitchen hangs a painting with the quote "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen."  Faith is one of those hard things, something tenuous, or cotton-candy like, appearing substancial until taken hold of.  Over the last 10 months, I've wrestled with my faith.  Is God good?  Am I crazy for continuing to follow this God- Man that I can't see, can't touch and am not sure has my best interests at heart?  Some of my friends wonder at my continued reliance on this invisible force and how I shape my life around this belief especially in the hard times.  But even in the storm, still I believe.

 Today I woke sick.  Everything hurt.  We are going on vacation next week and I cannot be sick.  I need to do all those momma things while packing and cleaning and preserving.  But instead I was so sick I couldn't eat or drink.  Came downstairs to find that my littlest has an infected finger, so off to the doctors we went.  Car in the shop, so baby on back, momma on bus.  Going there went well, but coming back, tired, sick, hurting, struggling not to fall asleep while sitting in the chair...that was torture.  Construction changed the bus routes so I walked uphill to a farther spot.  Walking hurt less than standing still so I kept walking.  Got off where I needed to change buses and felt dead.  Didn't know how I would make it home.  Head pounding, tummy churning, cranky baby on back pulling at hair.  I couldn't make it home on my own, and no one could come get me.

 This is why I believe.  Because in those moments of being pushed beyond what I can bear, I know that there is Someone Else who carries me.  I prayed and when I felt my prayers were too weak, I called my mom.   She prayed for me and kept me on the phone until my next bus came.  And she kept praying.  And I was given the strength to keep going, to get home, to get my baby's prescription, to give him his meds.  After that I was blessed by my wonderful MIL volunteering to take the outside edges(oldest and youngest child) home with her, while my middle child played happily outside with his friend.  I slept, the pain receded and I feel much more human now.

 Without the pain and angst of life, I suspect I wouldn't need anything more to me.  I wouldn't call out for help or need to bask in the love of the Eternal One.   So today I am thankful both for adversity and for that Strong Arm that holds me always.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

It Takes A Community..

 My house is small. Bigger than where I lived before, but still tiny.  Squishing five people into a two-bedroom townhouse with one tiny bathroom.  There are windows only on one side of the house and no cross breeze.  Some days I hunger for a house.

 But what my house lacks in size, it makes up for in location.  We live at the end of the inner courtyard.  Our unit has three pine trees in the yard and is right next to the forest.  It is beautiful! Living where we do we get build friends.  There is no space, no real privacy.  Any privacy here is imagined.  So rather than live averting our eyes, we've made friends, been real, opened ourselves up.  It's a tough balance between friendship and boundaries but I think we're striking it.  And somewhere in the midst of sharing toys, stories, baked goods, meals and tea; we begin to share help.

 As a mom of small children, I firmly believe that we are meant to live in community.  There are things that I cannot do all by myself, talents that I just don't have, patience that alludes me.  But those very things I lack, someone else may have.  Today my new neighbour took my daughter.  Aris was having a hard day adjusting to being back with all those boys, so K came and gently invited her over for some girl time.  She played, ate supper there, and had to be dragged back hours later.  In the midst of my chaos, K offered something that I didn't have.  I was touched and blessed.

 Later K's oldest child was alternately running away and throwing herself down on the ground.  Her husband was working, her infant in her arms.  I borrowed the wee one until K had her two year old ready for bed.

 There are more incidents just today that I could share of how we carry each others burdens.  Life is not meant to be lived alone.  We aren't meant to do everything all by ourselves.  I am blessed to live in my tiny little rental house.  Not only do I have a roof over my head, but I am part of something bigger, of this learning how to be the Body of Christ, how to bear one another's burdens in a practical, daily way.  Ladies, you have blessed me deeply and are teaching me so much.  Thank you!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Swimsuit Blessings

 Today has been a day of unexpected blessings.  After my counselling appointment, I drove Steve to work and ran some errands.  Strangely enough there were three highly stressful driving events that occurred on the very short trip between his office and the small tourist town nearby.  Normally even just one(the pickup truck over the centre line causing me to swerve onto the shoulder while driving rather fast) would leave me shaken and anxious.  Nope.  I was good.  Through all of the other driving craziness I was fine.  No anxiety.  That was a gift!

 Steve forgot his bus tickets today, so I picked him up from work after quickly putting my soaking wet boys into dry clothes and then cleaning up the mess caused by m&m's dropped into a puddle of water from a leaking water gun.  Yup, it was that kinda day.  Thankfully Steve didn't complain that it took me longer to get the boys ready than it did to drive there. *shakes head* From picking him up we headed to the big mall.  Now that the local mall has been redone, I rarely visit the other one.  But I really wanted to get a new swimsuit since mine is too big, worn and holey.   I had been debating getting a new one for the last several weeks and then just decided to go for it.  I love the cut of my suit, but it's expensive.  In I went only to find that although the price of the suit had gone up, they were on sale for 35% off!  Yay!  Now that I have a beautiful new bathing suit, I'm all set for being a beach bum next week!

Monday, July 19, 2010

Thankful List

 Today has been another pain day for both my hand and my head. Boo!  So here's my thankful list:
 -Phone calls from my best friend that are supposed to be a quick parenting question and instead end up being a much longer chat.
 -Friends that understand!
 -Squirting a little boy with a water gun while talking to my best friend.
 -Watching my little guy sleep.
 -Grandmas that take grandsons for playdates.
 -Husbands that make dinner, put boys to bed, load the dishwasher, wash the diapers and give the kitchen table a deep clean.
 -Husbands with deep patience for sick wives.
 -Husbands that bring home flowers.
 -Black lilies.
 -A beautifully cut crystal vase that I got a garage sale.
 -Little boys that get out of bed for kisses and then put themselves back to bed! (This one seems more like a miracle and a milestone than just something to be thankful for.)
 -Tea with friends.
 -Eating homemade zucchini bread for breakfast.

 For these blessings and many others I give thanks.

Sunday, July 18, 2010


 I've been angry a lot recently.  Angry at life, at injustice, at my failure to keep my floors clean and the ants that take advantage of that.  On the flip side, although ants make me angry, killing ants relieves a lot of my frustration.  They're just so nice to squish!  I'm angry at my body that has so many different aches/pains/weaknesses sometimes rendering me unable to do tasks well, other times just rendering me unwilling.  I'm angry at my laziness, my own frustration and anger.  I'm angry with God. To be honest, I'm just plain angry.

 I try to stop being angry.  I try to understand what's going on inside my head.  It's not helping.  I try to pray, to praise God for the blessings, to ask Him for help.  That doesn't seem to work either.  I vent at my poor unsuspecting spouse.  That really doesn't work!  This deep anger doesn't want to go away.  I feel helpless in its path.

 And then something happens.  Whether it's the opening chords of a song I love, sitting outside on a camp chair while my baby sleeps on my lap, or picking raspberries from my parents' patch, that hard knot inside dissolves.  Sometimes suddenly, sometimes gradually, the anger dissipates and I relax.  Once again joy, peace and patience return and my shoulders stop keeping company with my ears.  My chest opens up, I breathe deeply again.  There's a smile on my face.  It's okay.

 I can't stop those angry moments.  I'm sure they'll be great fodder for my counselling appointment.  But I am so grateful for those other moments that remove my negative emotions.  I'm thankful for the reminders that encourage me like three gleaming jars of raspberry jam on the counter and a beautiful new ceiling fan in my kitchen.  During those bad moments, I will cling to the good and keep breathing.  Hopefully I will also keep my mouth shut and not yell at that wonderful man who installed the fan. (Steve seriously rocks!)  Pray for us!

Friday, July 16, 2010

 The baby woke up screaming.  He kicked, fussed and wailed for about half an hour while his mama, tired from a headache that kept her awake all night, tried desperately to soothe him.  Nothing worked, everything bringing forth a loud NO from the poor grumpy baby.  Pulled into chest, the mama prayed for peace, and the little one settled. For a minute.  He wailed and flailed some more, finally choosing to nurse and to calm.  Days don't start well when begun that way.

 A grumpy baby became the theme for the day.  He didn't want to do anything.  The poor mama was tired, the pain finally diminished, but no chance to sleep.  The baby couldn't make up his mind, didn't know what he wanted.  The mama wanted to clean.  Her kitchen was a disaster, laundry needed folding, more laundry needed washing.  Her chaos threshold was at it's limit.  But the poor baby didn't want his mama to clean.  She felt tired, frustrated, like a failure.

 Much later, three mamas took a long walk.  Through parking lots, down long sidewalks, ducking under overhanging trees they went.  Laughing, near tears, angry beyond words and many places in the middle they felt.  They shared stories, hugs and compassion.  Then they arrived at their destination.  Marble Slab. Three very thankful mamas bought ice cream(yay for coupons!) to savour on the long walk back.  As the sun slowly set, the mamas arrived back home in a much better frame of mind.  Sometimes, life is harder than we can handle well or easily.  But friendship, long walks and good ice cream help ease the burden and give those mamas the strength and hope to keep on walking.

 Husbands that don't get mad because their wives forgot(again) that they can't read their minds and disappear without telling them where they are going are an asset too! (I thought I told him. Really)  Seriously, Steve rocks!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Cherry Jam

 We jammed today.  Not the making of music, but the squishing of fruit to eat during the long winter months.  Certain people love their toast, peanut butter and jam in the morning.  A certain big person loves variety.  So during the summer months, this mama and her brood make jam.

 Making jam does not come naturally to me.  I didn't grow up around food preservation and regard it as largely too complicated for me.  It is, but I'm having an adventure figuring it out.  Every time I conquer a new skill, I feel a deep sense of accomplishment.  Whenever I eat the fruit of that skill, I feel proud.  Feeding my family good food that I made is important to me.  Especially if said food is local, healthy and organic.  But I still like to make cake. :)

 Yesterday I purchased 10lbs of local, organic cherries from an orchard that treats it's employees extremely well.  That matters to me.  Today I attempted to make jam without pectin.  Apparently sweet cherries have a high concentration of natural pectin.  After dropping Zane off at dance camp, we began.  I was worried.  Making jam with a two year old is a bit of a scary task.  Kian especially is very good at getting into mischief or being extremely clingy while I'm trying to work.  I worried that today would be a disaster.  Was I wrong!

 Instead of being a nuisance,  Kian turned into an asset.  He pulled up a chair alongside his sister and began to work.  At first, he took on the role of de-stemming the cherries.  Other than occasionally putting stems in the wrong bowl, he did very well.  After awhile at that task, he decided he wanted to pit the cherries.  So he switched chairs and grabbed my citrus peeler(we were using the pointed end to get out the pits).  Aris said he acted like he was a professional.  All serious, he worked away until we had 9 cups of cherries pitted.  My kids were amazing today!   I was so proud of both of them.  They both loved working alongside Mommy too.

 Unfortunately, the rest of it didn't go quite so well.  The hot jam exploded all over the stove and floor.  Then I burnt my hand while filling jars.  I'm not sure if the jam will set.  If it doesn't, we'll eat it anyways.  It will just be a thin jam.  Yes, that's it.  After that, extreme fatigue set in and I could barely keep my eyes open.  Eventually the fatigue lifted enough that I mopped half of my floor and fixed dinner for my family.  My dad came over bearing gifts of rhubarb, hugs and watermelon.  He stayed for dinner.  His enjoyment of the meal helped balance out the disbelief from our children that we were making them eat THAT! *sigh*

 After dinner, Aris and I swam.  I sit here in the calmness of the evening with my hair still damp and cool  on my back.  Six jewel-coloured jars of jam sit on my counter.  My hand stopped hurting hours ago. The world is quiet and I am at peace.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

 Today was frustrating.  A severe headache/migraine interfered with actually accomplishing my to-do list.  Anything I did attempt ended in frustration as every single task was much more complicated than it needed to be, like having to rewash the dishes as I was unloading the CLEAN dishwasher. *sigh*  My kitchen floor is still sticky and I've killed quite a few ants today. On top of all this, my husband was sick so I had to dig down and find that inner strength when I wanted to quit.  Oh, and my kids were in fine form today.  My oldest son has a scream that mimics that of a buzz saw.  Not kind on small ears(or big ones) that are standing next to him when he screams.

 But in the midst of this, I am thankful.  I'm thankful for making a healthy, nutritious lunch at the height of my pain.  I'm thankful for finally purchasing sunflower seeds.  I'm thankful for purchasing local organic cherries and making new friends in the process.  I'm thankful for pizza, silly little boys, apologies and forgiveness, my ergo, and evening walks to the library with my daughter.  I'm also very thankful for the libraries' hold system and the wonderful friendly librarians there.  I'm also very thankful for tylenol, ibuprofin, and chocolate.   Beyond all that, I'm so thankful for my God who keeps holding me on very bad days like today and never ever lets go!

Monday, July 12, 2010

To Say Goodbye

  This afternoon we took off to the Big City.  Friends of ours leave on Thursday for at least 3 months.  They are hoping to emigrate to Ireland, but are leaving that in God's hands.  We are sad.  These are dear dear friends that we met during my pregnancy with Zane.  She was my student midwife, living away from her husband and child.   During those months, we bonded and she delivered my son.  Two years later, we reconnected via FaceBook.  During our last pregnancy(our babes were born about 5 weeks apart), we encouraged each other daily, often praying for each other.  It's been a special friendship for us both.

 We had a great visit with a wide-ranging conversation.  They're ridding themselves of their worldly possessions so we got a step-stool, some wool blankets and some mirrors.  Our kids had a great time playing together.  We each have three kids, with somewhat matching ages and they had a great time playing together.  At the restaurant, the two oldest girls were curled around each other on the couch.  It was such a sweet moment.  They hugged each other and have made plans to skype.   It was such a blessing to have our children all play together beautifully and just to click that well.  We will miss our friends, but are very thankful for technology and a good last visit.  Many blessings to the Ws as they set off on their adventures.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

The Mommy Gamer

 I'll let you in on a little secret...I'm a bit of a gamer.  Although my spacial skills absolutely suck and I wasn't introduced to video(or computer) games until my late teens, I like gaming.   However, my boys typically dominate the systems and I have much more important things to do like read a book(or clean my house, but you know..).

 Today was special though.  I'm not sure how it worked out, but I ended up with no children, no husband and no book to read.  So I decided to play the one-player game that we purchased at least six months ago. I had to start from the very beginning and couldn't remember how to play, but it was a lot of fun.  It was so nice to get to play my game.  Hopefully I'll get to play soon enough again that I won't have forgotten everything again.  The best part of playing today: I got through the section that frustrated my wonderful husband for days in about three tries, nailing several parts the first time through. :)  Steve was in shock over my gaming skills since normally I kill myself by falling off things.  Ah, how we love our video games! :)

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Cora's, Cards and a Water Fight

 We had a fabulous anniversary.  Steve's parents babysat the boys overnight so we could have an uninterrupted night's sleep.  What a blessing that was!  We even slept in until 10am!!!! Bliss!

 After very slowly waking up, we eventually went for breakfast(at noon).  My favourite breakfast change has finally expanded into SW Ontario and even has a location very near us.  So we headed there for a yummy breakfast.  The staff was super-friendly and helpful, especially when one of us knocked over a cup of coffee.  That reminded me of one of the reasons we love each other: We're both clumsy.  This may not sound like a good reason, but it's really hard to harass someone for knocking over their cup when it's something you do on a regular basis too.  However, for some reason we still have a hard time extending grace to our children on that one.  Perhaps it's less because of clumsiness and more a result of disobedience?  Hmm....

 Not only did we enjoy a great breakfast, but we also had a great conversation.  We talked about this past year of marriage and then set some goals for the upcoming year.  It was a great breakfast!  Once again I felt like we managed to take a sabbath.  I'm not so sure about Steve, but I actually felt relaxed.  After breakfast we picked up our boys.  They had made cards for us and had a little cake complete with candles made out of little brownies.  It was very very sweet!  My in-laws did a fantastic job and we really appreciated the celebration and the babysitting.  You guys rock! (Yes, they read my blog).

 For supper, we were invited to a friend's 4th birthday party.  We brought gifts of lipgloss and necklaces for both the birthday girl and her younger sister.   Our friends had set up a wading pool and slip'n'slide for the kids while they barbequed.  Our children thoroughly enjoyed themselves.  After eating, our friends broke out the water ballons for an all-inclusive water fight.  Most of the adults hid inside(including my wonderful husband), but I decided that if my friend was participating, I probably should too.  We had a great time for the two minutes until the water balloons were used up.  Thankfully the only injuries were inflicted on adults, and there was no real damage.  Later, Kian was getting pwned by the birthday girl's little sister in a game of "let's shoot each other with water sprinklers".  As his mother, it was my duty to help him get her back.  So I boldly went into the line of fire to help him out.  We soaked the little girl, but she ran to her daddy for help.  Oh did I ever get wet!  I was wringing the water out of my clothes afterward while laughing hysterically!  My jeans were still wet two hours later.  But it was seriously fun!

 I am so blessed and thankful for such a great day, and for such an awesome man to celebrate being married to.  Steve, thank you so much.  I can't currently find the words to describe how wonderful you are and how much I love and appreciate you.  *hugs*

Friday, July 9, 2010

Six Years of Marriage

  Tomorrow Steve and I will celebrate our sixth anniversary.  We've ended up celebrating tonight with all of our children away.  It's lovely!  Although I really enjoyed an evening with no distractions from our children, I'm most looking forward to sleeping well and late.  You know you're a parent of a small children when...

 To celebrate, we went to the movies.  We chose a spy-flick/comedy to watch after meeting at the mall for dinner.  We shared a shawarma plate for dinner.  The garlic sauce was fantastic and the potatoes, oh don't get me started on the potatoes! Soo good!  We thoroughly enjoyed the movie and afterwards we enjoyed debating about what was realistic.  It was during this debate that I was reminded of how well we suit each other.  We were arguing about whether or not the explosion at the end of the movie was realistic.  I think that given the amount of potential energy, the explosion should have equaled that of a nuclear blast.  Steve argued that because we don't know what type of (fictional) technology was being used, there could have been some sort of internal dampener.  Yup, we're geeks!  And we're both very happy with that. :)

Thursday, July 8, 2010


 My mom is a Canadian citizen now!  It only took her thirty years to succumb to this wonderful country.  She is a very proud new Canadian.  She flew the Canadian flag in front of her house(without the American one), wore the Canadian colours, and had a bouquet of Canadian flags in her living room.  I use the past tense because my children swiped the flags and took them home.  Kian carried his around for the rest of the evening.  To celebrate her embrace of the light, my dad threw her a special party inviting close friends and family.  Not everyone came, but it was still a great time.  One of the best parts was when Steve took pictures of all of those who had become Canadians.  Out of our gathering of about 15, there were five with their citizenship cards.  It was a very special moment seeing my mom, Steve's dad, a good friend and neighbour and then a pastor couple all with their cards out.

 I recognize that my country is far from perfect, but I still think Canada is one of the best places to live in the world.  I'm proud to the child of an immigrant and also proud to be a child of a born Canadian.  And I'm so thankful for my friends who shared in our joy today.  Pulled pork, watermelon and cake are great party foods!  So congrats to my mom on becoming Canadian and congrats to my dad for throwing a great party!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Oh Today Was Hot!

 Today was blistering hot.  Thankfully we've seemed to adjusted a bit to the heatwave, but it's still intense.  Especially for poor Kian who was born in February.  He hates the summer with a passion.  Unfortunately, the heat hasn't prevented him from escaping the house at every opportunity.  If you happen by my house and see a little blond boy running free in just a diaper, that would be my son!  We try to keep him in shorts, but that doesn't always work.

 Extreme heat, a little boy who doesn't tolerate heat well, and two other slightly cranky children is not a good combination.  Not only did Kian have four escapes, he also received numerous timeouts for violence. *sigh* Today was not a good day!

 But I am super-duper-luper(as Aris would say) thankful for our swimming pool and for yoga.  After supper we had a nice cool swim and then I headed off to yoga under the stars.  I was the only one who showed, so it ended up being a private lesson.  Oh was it good!  I now feel much more peaceful and relaxed! *happysigh*

Monday, July 5, 2010

Heatwave, the Queen and Yoga

 This will be a very short post since I'm extremely tired.  I just finished my first yoga class in months, which of course was a killer.  This may have had something to do with my asking to work on abs...

 It's hot, hot, hot today with the temperature with humidity being 42C.  That's hot!  I'm very thankful for our complex's pool.  Poor Kian has been running around mostly naked today.

 The queen was in our little city today.  She was really close to where we live so my MIL dropped her bicycle off here and walked over.  After waiting for awhile, she got to see the Queen.  That's pretty cool! I really wanted to see the Queen, but am content with someone from my family getting to see her.

 And that's about it for today....hope everybody else had a good one too!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

95 years old

 Today is my grandmother's birthday.  We gathered on my aunt and uncle's back porch, sipping Coke, husking corn and watching the birds.  The trees towered overhead, leaving the backyard cool and glowing green.   My children played on the porch or ran through the garden path below.  My dad told stories as did my other family members.  We sat, laughed, shared and remembered.

  My grandmother sat, so still and frail, mostly silent.  She doesn't look her age, but compared to how she used to be, I can tell.  She's so pale, thin and silence.  It's the silence that gets me most of all.  My grandmother has never been a quiet woman.  She dominated the conversation with her many stories, loud voice and easy laugh.  I grew up listening to her stories of times gone by, of my mother, of the war.  Those stories shaped who I am.   Her stories gave me a connection to my larger family; I felt I knew those aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents through her memories.  But now, her memories have faded.  She has emphysema from second-hand smoke which has left her easily winded.  For most of the afternoon she sat quietly, just listening.  I miss her stories.

 Then my mother pulled out her camera.  As she struck a pose, life filled my grandmother's face.  Her eyes twinkled as she grinned at my mother.  I brought my shy children near so they could talk to my grandma.  Once again I saw her come to life.  She tickled my daughter's toes and cuddled with my baby.  As Grandma teased Aris, I saw her old self reappear.

 Aging is inevitable.  I realize how blessed I am to have my grandmother still with me and as able as she is.  I treasure just being able to spend time with her now.  No more long shopping trips for us now.  But those few moments of seeing my grandma sparkle with life are more precious than gold to me.  Luckily, I have them caught on camera so won't have to rely on my faulty memory banks. :)
 Happy Birthday, Grandma!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Beautiful Saturday

 Today was just beautiful.  I slept in, got ready lazily, got my hair cut(*sob*) and went shopping with J.  I went to buy organic shampoo but ended up with a beautiful dress.  We wandered around the mall and then sipped chai lattes while sharing chocolate in the food court.  It was a good break for both of us.  I am thankful for beautiful weather, good sales on clothes, a hair salon within walking distances and a good friend to share those joys with.  I'm also thankful for husbands that give wives the day off!  Now we're preparing for a day of travelling tomorrow as we will join my American family to celebrate my grandmother's 95th birthday.  I'm not looking forward to getting up early, but I can't wait to see my grandma again.  It will be another good day. :)

Friday, July 2, 2010

Stealing Strawberries

 One of the hardest transitions to motherhood has been that nothing is mine anymore.  My body hasn't belonged to me since the first one was conceived and continues to be treated as public property by my children.  Clothes are played with as is my jewelry, my hair and bath stuff is borrowed, all three children traipse around the house in my shoes and of course my food is their food.  Unless it's something that they really don't like.  But chances are even if it's food they despise, if Mommy's eating it they will too.

 I made myself a really nice breakfast today: yogurt, granola and strawberries mixed with whipped cream.  Mmmmm good!  Once my littlest finished his breakfast, he came over to try mine.  Well, first he tried to climb across the table to get at my food, but after a gentle reminder, he walked around the table and asked nicely.  As long as I had food in my bowl, he stood there, holding my hand, with his mouth open for me.  He's so cute!

 Normally his cuteness factor would have only managed to get him a couple of bites and then I would have refused to share.  But not today.  Today I shared all the way to the last bite.  Why the difference?  Well, last night at our community bbq, Kian fell off a chair.  He hit his head on the concrete patio.  It didn't sound bad, but still...not cool.  I cuddled him in with an icepack and his special blankie.  His sobs ebbed, his tears dried and his eyes closed.  Not good.  Although sleeping was perfectly explainable as he had skipped his nap, it was bedtime and he had just gotten hurt, it could also been a sign of deeper trauma.  Eek!  I held him for awhile longer to watch his breathing, and then we changed him for bed.  Steve and I decided to keep him on our bed so we could monitor him better.  He stretched while we changed him, proving that he had full mobility(something else we were worried about), but didn't open his eyes.  After talking to my aunt who is a nurse, I tried to wake him again.  It didn't work.

 I was a bundle of nerves by this point and had started randomly crying.  I was reasonably sure he was okay, but I wasn't all the way sure.  Aris was in full meltdown mode, Steve was cracking down on her behaviour and I was tired from a very very full day.   Not good.  Eventually peace returned to our house.  I went to check on Kian to find him now lying sidewise in our bed with the covers in disarray.  That was reassuring!  Soon after, Steve moved him to his bed for the night.   I was mostly okay, but still a wee bit concerned that he wouldn't wake up in the morning.

 This morning I was the first one awake which is highly unusual in our house.  I'm normally the last one up.  Kian is often the first awake, so I was a wee bit worried.  I wanted to check on him but didn't want to wake him up if he was just sleeping instead of dead(yes, I imagination runs wild).  A little while later I heard footsteps through the monitor and went to open the door.  Sure enough, on the other side looking all cute and sleepy, was my blonde monkey.  " I waked up" he said, all cute and solemn.  I scooped him up and we climbed back into my bed, rejoicing.

 So this morning, I shared my strawberries with a glad heart.  Instead of being annoyed,  I treasured the almost climbing on table moments and the little boy who likes to hold my hand while being fed my breakfast.  That little open mouth so reminiscent of a baby bird was indescribably precious to me today.  Yesterday's scare sucked, but the reminder to treasure my wee one all the time was invaluable.  So I clung to that later today when he wouldn't stop screaming.  My little ones are a blessing, I just have to look at them right.