Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Darkness

  Each night I curl up with the man who is my home.  Head on his shoulder, hair splayed over pillows, away from limbs that might pull it accidentally.  Sadness is our covering, a deep heaviness that weighs us down, as if to smother.  Sleep comes hard as inner darkness does not lend itself easily to restful surrender.  Rarely do tears wet the pillows under our cheeks.  More often dry heaving sobs wrack my body while he holds me tight, desperately wanting to take the pain away.  A torrent of angry, hurt, pain filled words spills out leaving us gasping for breath.  When will this go away?

 Every night as I curl up with the man who is my home, he offers up prayers to our Great God.  He prays for this little family, broken and worn down by the cares of this world.  He thanks God for whatever he can think of to be thankful for.  He begs God for healing.  Sometimes short, sometimes desperate, sometimes long and passionate, there is always prayer.  This deep darkness is not my friend.  Though it has been a constant companion for over a year, it is still unwelcome.  But this uninvited guest has blessed us through the deepening of our marriage.  We are learning to fight together, to pull for the same side, to wrestle hard for hope, for healing, not for our individual ideas.  We are seeing how valuable prayer is and learning how to pray for each other.  Darkness, you are not my friend.  But I am thankful for what I have learned during your sojourn here.

 I'm joining with Emily once again.

13 comments:

  1. Your last couple of lines - how hard, how true, but oh how hard. Praying for you this evening.

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  2. whew...i agree...the fact that you are praying for and with each other is encouraging...more couple should do that...it helps to walk through the darkness...

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  3. These truths are beautiful, though they come at the expense of your pain. Your belief shows strong, though I'm sure it feels anything but.

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  4. This is so absolutely right! I don't know what your darkness is, and I feel for the way you feel it. But I absolutely can vouch for the value in the lessons learned while walking through the darkness.

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  5. "We are learning to fight together, to pull for the same side"
    Praying that you continue this fight together through your darkness.

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  6. If not for darkness, would we see the light? This is what comes to me, after much time spent in darkness. So glad for you that you have the support you do...

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  7. oh grace...

    thank you, for being broken here. i didn't know about the darkness, but now that you've declared it, he cannot hide any longer. the light will shine and truth will freedom set... oh, girl, praying this. love you.

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  8. Grace this is truly beautiful and real....we learn so much going through struggles...keep praying, and we will be praying and struggling with you. :-)

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  9. i'm sorry for your pain and grateful that you have a strong home, and strong marriage. hugs to you~

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  10. Grace,

    What a hard place to be! But, what a beautiful thing it is to struggle with someone who always prays. May you see the fruit of this.

    Leaving you with Exodus 14:14 (a comfort to me when I am feeling like I am at war).

    Peace,
    jadie

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  11. enjoy what you have ,
    image that what if you could not do what you do now.
    how would you feel...admirable prose.

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  12. Thank you for stopping by and leaving words of grace. I also found a little piece of home in your words. We have learned similar lessons. Praying for you now in this darkness. God is so good.

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  13. Darkness is y.u.c.k.! You are blessed to have a man in your home who prays with you.

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